Um, bad hair-decade, Nic?

Yeah, the star’s Trent Reznor coif is mortifying, but producers of “Bangkok Dangerous” must be even more spooked by the film’s anemic opening-week box office receipts last weekend. The Nic Cage-fronted thriller only managed to gross $7.8 million in wide release - respectable numbers for a bargain-basement stinker such as “Space Chimps,” but not so great for a big-budget action flick starring one of Hollywood’s most bankable stars (Cage’s last movie, “National Treasure: Book of Secrets,” was the highest-grossing of his career).

Still, the measely $7.8 mil was good enough to push “Dangerous” to the front of the traditionally slow post-Labor Day box office queue. Which got me to thinking: Will Lions Gate publicists do the expected, and bill “Dangerous” as “the nation’s #1 movie!” in advertisements this week? Or will they take the high road, and save their hyperbole for more hyperbole-worthy worthy films?

Like “Space Chimps.”

(photo courtesy Lions Gate)

And you thought he was just another alarmist blowhard with a microphone. Boy were you wrong! Evidently, Glenn Beck - the inexplicably employed Headline News political commentator and talk radio host - has his own movie coming out. Sort of. On Thursday, July 17, Beck will perform his “celebrated” one-man stage show “Beck 08″ in Dallas. Simultaneously, the performance will be beamed to digitally-equipped movie theaters across the country. Live. In hysteria-enhancing high definition.

According to a press release, Beck’s stage performance is “equal parts storytelling and stand-up with a satirical look at politicians and the Democratic process.” Note the capital D in “Democratic.” Their sic, not mine. But in that seemingly innocuous typo, we find essential Truth, because I doubt the hawkish commentator will be poking much fun at the GOP.

Whatever the case, I’m sure Beck’s show will feature the same fair-minded xenophobia and aw-shucks country lawyer humility that has made his TV and radio gigs so fascinating for extreme leftists (that is, people who voted for Bill Clinton) like myself. Remember, this is the guy who - in a feverishly incisive bit of political analysis - declared the start of World War III last year, during one of our routine diplomatic flare-ups with the Iranians. Beck fans, I have news for you: You’ve been watching a movie all long.

The show will start at 8 p.m. ET/7 p.m. CT/6 p.m. MT/8 p.m. PT (sorry Left Coasters… that means a tape delay). You can find theaters on-line at www. fathomevents.com.

photo: courtesy of CNN

By now, some of you may have heard of the passing of my former colleague Chris Page, long the theater critic in these parts. I want to say this about Chris: His wit was thumbtack-sharp. The one and only time I hung out with him - a screening of the “Dawn of the Dead” remake - he drew an on-the-spot comparison between brain-devouring zombies and Atkins dieters (the former shunned non-human flesh like the latter shunned breadsticks at Olive Garden) that made me laugh out loud. I used the analogy in the review, and attributed it to “a friend.” Having read some of the recollections posted on this site and others, I wish we really had become friends. His intellectual curiosity and relentless appetite for exploration were obvious to anyone who knew him, even casually. He was a sweet guy. A unique soul. And an exemplary critic. I’ll never nibble on an Olive Garden breadstick without thinking of him.

The press screening for arguably the most anticipated movie since “The Phantom Menace” is this weekend - I’m speaking, naturally, of “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” - and I fully expect a Class Five geekasm to accompany the entire thing.

But I do have several nagging fears/concerns about the latest installment of Steven Spielberg’s adventure franchise. To wit:

1) I’m decidely less-than-stoked with Shia LaBoeuf’s casting as Indy’s 50s-rebel sidekick. His work in “Disturbia” and “Transformers” notwithstanding, I’m not convinced LaBoeuf is anything more than a flavor-of-the-month… one of those runty, boyish, perpetually-pubescent actors who plays teenagers in a few big movies but is ultimately ill-suited for leading man stardom. Like Ralph Macchio. And, er, Mark Hamill.

2) George Lucas. The visionary creator and producer of the Indy franchise is no longer the zeitgeist genius he once was. I mean, we all agree that the “Star Wars” prequels - despite their profitability - were generally plastic, soulless gewgaws, right? And I worry that some of his puerile sensibilities might have crept onto the “Crystal Skull” set, too.

3) Me. I’m in my mid-30s. I still enjoy “Raiders of the Lost Ark” and the sequels, but is my calloused viscera still capable of being twisted into a knot, as it was on that afternoon in 1980 when I saw that Nazi bastard’s face melt for the first time? I dunno. If there’s a face-melting scene in “Crystal Skull” (or something comparable) I’ll let you know.

The past weekend, I attended a screening of Crispin Glover’s experimental art film “What Is It?” - hosted by the artist himself (above) - and it was easily the most explosively bizarre two hours I’ve ever spent in a movie theater. Weirder, even, than the guy who offered me vodka-infused cherries during a screening of “Undercover Brother.”

Let’s just say Crispin has an inordinate fascination with dominant mothers. And retarded people. And handjobs. And I’ll leave it at that.

Sorry, folks - you won’t be able to find “What Is It?” on Netflix. Like the overprotective parent of a circus freak, Glover won’t let the public see the movie unless he’s there to introduce the movie and do his (somewhat tedious) spoken word routine. I must admit, I love Crispin Glover.

 So I need your help: How does one pronounce this fine actor’s name? You’ve seen him in “Dirty Pretty Things,” “Children of Men” and, most recently, David Mamet’s martial arts thriller “Redbelt,” but can you tell me, definitively, on no uncertain terms, how to say “Chiwetel Ejiofor”?

Is it sheye-wi-TEL EDGE-oh-for?

Or CHEW-wi-tel eee-zcha-FOR?

Or something else? Tell ya what - the first reader who presents me with the correct pronunciation and a compelling reason why I should believe it’s the correct pronunciation will receive a TBD DVD in the mail. Game on!

So, over the weekend, I saw the Grand Canyon for the first time in my 10+ years in Arizona (a crime, I know… but how many New Yorkers have REALLY been to the Statue of Liberty?) and stopped in Prescott on the way back for some dinner.  And lo and behold if the restaurant - a throwback saloon called The Palace - wasn’t absolutely awash in Steve McQueen memorabilia. It seems that portions of the 1972 Sam Peckinpaw-directed rodeo saga (pictured above) were filmed there. One of Arizona’s finest cinematic claims-to-fame.

Of course, with the demise of the movie Western, Arizona is now mostly used as a stand-in for the Middle East (”The Kingdom”) and post-apocalyptic wastelands (”Planet of the Apes”). Hey - we’ll take the work.

The $100 million pounding that “Iron Man” gave the box office last weekend has two immediate consequences. First, Marvel Entertainment immediately announced a sequel for 2010. Duh, right? I mean, if a self-serious snooze like Ang Lee’s “Hulk” isn’t enough to deep-six a superhero franchise (a new “Hulk” movie with Ed Norton is coming out this summer) then how could any sane studio executive resist greenlighting a sequel to a bona fide hit?

Second, the handsome “Iron Man” haul means that star Robert Downey Jr. can officially leave the post-addiction phase of his career and enter the post-addiction-as-newspaper-article-narrative stage of his career. Or, to put it more plainly, we won’t have to read any more newspaper or magazine stories in which the obligatory central thrust is Downey’s struggle with drug abuse. Just like we didn’t have to read any more Hugh Grant/hooker articles after “Notting Hill.” (Full disclosure — I wrote one myself.)

Still, I’m curious to see if the “Iron Man” sequel will address Tony Stark’s alcoholism, like in the comic. Might be kind of hard to skirt the issue of Downey’s past, if it does.

Tendons and sinew and machine guns, oh my! Folks, “Rambo” fans, I have excellent news: “First Blood” is blasting his way back to theaters. The 1982 classic will screen one night only on Thursday, May 15 on 430 screens nationwide, courtesy of Lions Gate Films and National CineMedia, the same digital distributor that recently staged one-night revival screenings of ”Poltergeist” and “Dirty Dancing.”

This “First Blood” will be digitally-remastered in high definition and feature an alternate ending that would have altered the course of the “Rambo” franchise and, I suspect, the whole of human history as we know it. Sylester Stallone will also narrate a special short film about the franchise.

Three Valley theaters will host “First Blood” screenings: the Ahwatukee 24 in Phoenix (4915 E. Ray), the Desert Ridge 18 in north Phoenix (21001 N. Tatum) and the Cinemark 16 in Mesa (1051 Dobson Rd.). Showtime is 7:30 p.m. For more information, visit www.fathomevents.com.

Why suffer through “Deception” (the new Ewan McGregor heavy-breather, opening this week) when you could party it up with Tony, Jack and Marilyn? “Some Like it Hot” (pictured) is one of seven classic movies that will screen at the Harkins Valley Art in Tempe during a week-long salute to United Artists, starting this Friday. The on-again, off-again studio is celebrating its 90th anniversary by sponsoring the series and, as they say, there’s something for everybody. Check it out:

Friday: “West Side Story”

Saturday: “In the Heat of the Night”

Sunday: “Some Like it Hot”

Monday: “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly”

Tuesday: “Rain Man”

Wednesday: “The Magnificent Seven”

Thursday: “Raging Bull”

Bingo! I’m going to “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” All movies are screening multiple times per day, so check Harkins listings  harkins.com).